It’s Panda, Miss Dementia If You’re Nasty

Here’s another picture from the Valentine’s Day photo shoot. Hope you like it!

Make sure you check out the other HNT submissions over at Osbasso’s blog! HHNT!

© Bill Rice via Hentai_panda

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #64? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #67? Be sure to read our submission guidelines and then you can use our submission form and submit it before Sunday March 6th at 11:59pm PST.

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Looking for sexy posts other than reviews?

e[lust] #7

Editrix

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

• Tantus Deuce 2 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
• Lovehoney Sqweel by Sammi
• Touche Ice Massager by True Pleasures
• Couture Collection Ecstasy by Darling Dove
• Silicone Rabbit Pearl by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• Better Than Chocolate by Laurel
• Vibratex Mystic Wand by Britini TheVadgeWig
• Sqweel by Lady Evyl
• Better Than Chocolate by Melen’s Rayne
• Babeland Remote Vibe Panty by Nadia West
• Better Than Chocolate by Britni TheVadgeWig
• Womolia Heat by Laurel
• Panache Pure Sophistication by Melen’s Rayne
• Thumbelina by Amorous Rocker
• Evolved Citron Flourentine by Mistress Kay
• Sqweel by Garnet Joyce
• iTap G-Vibe by Melen’s Rayne
• Passion Flower G by Sammi
• G-Rock Pleasurizer by Melen’s Rayne
• 1969 L’insolite by Kaijah
• Vibratex Rabbit Habit by Backseat Boohoo
• Better Than Chocolate by Newme
• Wild G by EffinSara
• Petite Couture Collection Ecstasy by Melen’s Rayne
• Patch Paul by Sammi
• Bsoft by Carrie Ann
• Tongue Vibe by Melen’s Rayne
• Ultimate Clit Massager by EffinSara
• Mystic Wand by Pretty Power Tools
• Better Than Chocolate by Red

Dildos

• Echo by Shanna Katz
• G-Brush by Melen’s Rayne
• Vixen Creations Randy by Britni TheVadgeWig
• LELO Ella by Amorous Rocker
• Vixen Creations Randy by Melen’s Rayne
• Vixen Creations Vibrating Leo by EffinSara
• Vixen Creations Leo by Red

Anal Toys

• Nexus Neo by Dangerous Lilly
• Nexus Gyro by Red

Toys for Cocks

• Fleshlight Ice by Beautiful Dreamer
• Durex Play Vibrations Twinkle by Joanna Cake

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

• Intimate Organics Energizing Foaming Bath by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
• Body Candy Body Butter by Carrie Ann
• Intimate Organics Sensual Body Souffle by Sarah
• Sliquid Organics Warming by Carrie Ann
• Kama Sutra Massage Oil Kit by the kitten pup
• Kissing Balm by Carrie Ann

BDSM/Fetish

• Electrosex Pleasure Clamps by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
• Double-Lock Police-Style Leg Irons by Mistress Kay
• Sportsheets Thigh Cuffs by Britni TheVadgeWig
• Fluffy Flogger by Mistress Kay
• Under the Bed Restraint System by Booty Bandit

Adult Books & Games

• Big Book of Sex Toys by Essin’ Em
• The New Bottoming Book by Mistress Kay
• Moregasm by Sexorcism
• Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns by Mina

Adult Movies/Porn

• The Art of Oral Loving by Backseat Boohoo
• Tombois by J.D. Bauchery
• Travel Incognito by FrzKey
• Belladonna’s Strapped Dykes – Scene Three by The Porn Librarian
• River Rock Women’s Prison by J.D. Bauchery
• Tao-Massage: The Tender Touch by FrzKey
• Flight Attendants by PandaDementia

Storage

• Devine Lace Toy Box by Mistress Kay
• Devine Playchest by Carrie Ann

Sex Furniture

• Spinning Sex Swing by Beautiful Dreamer
• Universal Padded Love Swing Covers by Beautiful Dreamer

Miscellaneous

• Nippies by Carnivalesq
• Silver Bell Clit Clip by Tara Brown

I put on a special little outfit for my honey on Valentine’s Day and after the sexin’, we did a little photo shoot. Here’s one of the shots from that shoot, and be prepared for more in the coming weeks! Enjoy!

Make sure you head over to Osbasso’s blog to check out the other hot Half-Nekkid Thursday shots! HHNT!

“There’s only one left, you know,” he said, pinching my ass as I locked the front door and turned off the “OPEN” sign.

“Of course I know,” I replied, turning around to face him and unbuttoning my uniform top, giving him a peek of my red bra. “Red and green paisley printed love seat, tassels on the pillows, gold feet shaped like bird talons, one ugly mother fucker. Fourth row, 3 living room sets from the left.”

Ever since the week after he was hired, we had been systematically fucking our way through the entire furniture warehouse after closing time. We had fucked on EVERY piece of sturdy furniture in the store - beds, couches, desks, coffee tables, etc. This love seat was the only thing left and it was last because just LOOKING at it made me want to throw up in my mouth and I couldn’t really imagine having sex on it.

As he grabbed my hand and dragged me towards the disgusting piece of furniture, I whined my protest. “Couldn’t we forgo this one? It’s SO damn ugly!”

“Nope. We’ve come this far, we’ve gotta finish this. Don’t worry, doll, I’ve got a plan.”

When we got to the love seat, he put his hands on my hips and positioned me so that I was standing next to the arm rest, facing the ridiculously gaudy print. I heard him rustling behind me, and then a silk blindfold was slipped over my eyes, shutting out all glimpses of the ugly piece of furniture.

He undressed me slowly, letting his fingers linger on my breasts and pussy lips, evoking slight moans and goose bumps from me.

I then felt his hands grab mine and pull them behind my back. A length of rope was wound and tied tight around my wrists.

He tangled his fingers in my hair and pulled my head back hard, whispering in my ear, “You’re not worried about the love seat now, are you?”

His warm breath on my skin sent a shiver down my spine. “No, I just want you inside of me.”

He pushed me over the arm of the love seat, exposing my ass and pussy, and got to work checking the last piece of furniture off the list.

This week’s Microfantasy Monday theme is “Furniture,” brought to us by Sweltering Celt. Check out her blog for other MfM stories.

SNOWballs, that is. This crazy TX weather has put snow on the ground once again (when I moved here, I was told it never snowed!), so I decided to have some fun with a snowball for today’s pictures. Enjoy!

Check out the other HNT pics over at Osbasso’s blog! HHNT!

1. LUST: Besides your current Significant Other who do you lust for or have you lusted for? Who I HAVE lusted for is a list waaaay too long to type here, but here are a few of the people I’m currently lusting after:

Ryan Reynolds - so totally swoon worthy

Scarlett Johansson - Mmm, yes. Ryan’s a lucky man. And she’s a lucky woman.

Jim Parsons - He TOTALLY does it for my geek side.

2. GLUTTONY: What food brings out your inner glutton? Sushi (I ALWAYS overstuff myself) and anything chocolate. I will always make room for chocolate, even if it makes me miserable.

3. GREED: What are you greedy for? My honey’s touch. Seriously, can’t get enough. If there were any way to genetically alter him to have more hands, I would. It would be creepy, but it would be worth it.

4. SLOTH: What is your plan for an ideal day of sloth? Sleeping in as late as my body will let me, not getting out of bed all day but being served food in bed & watching all sorts of trashy reality on a big screen at the end of the bed, all the while cuddling with my honey. With lots of sex interspersed between, too.

5. WRATH: Describe a time that you let out a can of whoop ass on someone. There have been 2 physical “fights” I’ve been in, but neither would be considered opening a “can of whoop ass.” The first was in high school, when my best friend at the time & I were going through one of our “annoyed with each other” phases. I would ride the bus with her back to her house (before either of us started driving) and wait there for my mom to pick me up. On our walk, we were arguing, she hit me with her sweatshirt, and I punched her in the arm. She ran home, crying like a little bitch.

The second incident was at the end of high school, I believe, or maybe just after, when I was at a karaoke bar with my cousin. This guy started chatting us up and then his psycho girlfriend showed up & slashed his truck’s tires & broke out his windows with a brick. My cousin tried to talk sense into her & the psycho chick started beating on her. At one point, my cousin had the chick down on the ground & I kicked her while she was down. The end.

6. ENVY: Who or what do you envy? Why? I really don’t envy anyone. I’m completely content with who I am and where my life is finally.

7. PRIDE: Have you ever had to swallow your pride? What are you proud of? The most major situation in which I had to swallow my pride was when I decided to get my divorce. I had always thought of marriage as forever and it killed me to have to admit that I had “failed.” I stayed in the marriage for way too long as a result of that. Once I overcame that and went ahead with the divorce, though, it was the best decision I could have made.

I am proud of my sons. They amaze me every day with how much they’re growing and learning.

If you liked learning a little more about me, make sure you check out the other TMI Tuesday submissions, too. Happy Tuesday!

I haven’t watched a whole lot of porn in my lifetime, at least not the type of porn with a “plot”, so I was excited when Adam & Eve sent me this movie to review. It came as a surprise, but a pleasant one! I’ve got a huge crush on Teagan Presley, so I was excited to watch her at work.

Flight Attendants is an Adam & Eve Pictures film directed by Will Ryder. It won the 2010 AVN Award for Best Comedy and is marketed as a quasi-parody of the movie “Airplane.” The cover of the DVD boasts: “If you liked ‘Airplane’ you’ll love Flight Attendants!” Yes, with that exact punctuation. What the cover lacks in proper English, though, the film makes up for in a little bit of laughs and quite a bit of hot sex.

The first thing I noticed when I started the DVD was that there was a menu option to “Select a Star,” which allows you to jump to the scenes that a particular star is in. I don’t know if other DVDs do that, but I thought it was a cool feature.

The film features the talents (I won’t say ACTING talents, ’cause we all know that acting talent isn’t what gets porn stars hired) of a few big names and some lesser known names as well:

Teagan Presley Kayden Kross

Shyla Stylez Hillary Scott

Sunny Lane Eva Angelina

Kacey Jordan Misty Stone

Michelle Maylene Lexi Love

Cali Couture Kenzi Marie

Evan Stone Chastity Lynn

Jack Bartholet                                               Jack Lawrence

Randy Spears                                                 Eric Swiss

If I were to write a synopsis for this film, it would be this: Failing airline sex-ifies it’s flight attendants in order to make a comeback. A competitor airline tries to sabotage it. After fucking every which way, except anal, surprisingly, everyone lives happily ever after… or do they?

As far as the plot, the movie is on the upper scale of adult movies. The writer(s) have written a fairly concise, humorous movie. The funniest lines in the movie came from James Bartholet, who played the token gay guy. Lines like “I hate the smell of cum in the morning” and “Excuse me, Sodom and Gomorrah, what do you think you’re doing? If you think we’re cleaning cum off the seat, you’ve got another thing coming” made me laugh out loud.

The token black guy, played  by Thomas Ward, was also pretty humorous with his Cosby impression: ”Yes, Steve, I will cover for you. But ONLY get a BJ, we’re way too busy. And I, too, would like to get my Pudding Pop licked, but somebody has to stay here and stop these fucking plans from crashing into each other.”

There were a few things that bugged me throughout the film:

- There is a stereotypical ghetto-black-chick-turned-chic, played by Misty Stone. She starts the movie out in a run-down apartment, with nappy hair, a stained shirt, and a hell of a lot of kids. These are some of her classic lines: “You know, Momma, that’s true, I’m IS a peoples person!” “[stereotypical black name here], shut the fuck up!” “What did I tell you about putting the cat in the microwave?!” ”A little more white? Nigga, please, I’m white as rice!”

I didn’t appreciate the playing off of racial epithets to get a laugh. I also didn’t appreciate the shirtless fat guy at minute 8:30. Avoid that if you can.

- In quite a few parts in the film, the background music overpowers the dialogue.

- In her sex scenes, Hillary Scott seems to be more concerned with the positioning of her hair than in getting fucked.

- Kayden Kross makes some really annoying Native-American-chanting-like moans during her sex scenes.

- Evan Stone has floppy balls that freak me out.

If you’re into porn ONLY for the sex (and with the quality of acting in these films, who would blame you?) then there are 9 different hot sex scenes for your viewing pleasure. Here are the stars, times and brief summary of the sex scenes:

#1 - 22:30 to 40:00 - Teagan Presley & Lexi Love: typical lesbian scene with lots of oral, a 69 and a glass dildo. **This is my second favorite scene because A) I have the hots for Teagan Presley and B) I love lesbian scenes. One disappointment, though - Teagan keeps her bra on through the entire scene.**

#2 - 44:20 to 54:00 - double masturbation scene w/ Misty Stone & Lexi Love while Kayden Kross looks on. Jack Lawrence joins in for a double BJ.

#3 - 56:45 to  1:02:00 - Sunny Lane & Eric Swiss - BJ

#4 - 1:02:00 to 1:07:30 - Hillary Scott & Brad Hardy - pussy eating, BJ. Transitions into:

#5  1:07:30 to  ? - Hillary Scott - masturbating, random pool guy comes in & she gives him a BJ and they fuck.

#6 - 1:34:00 to 1:57:00 - Eric Swiss & Eva Angelina - BJ & pussy eating, Sunny Lane joins for lez licking, fucking, double BJ, facials. **This is the hottest scene in my opinion. Eva Angelina takes a mouth fucking like a champ and the threesome just continues to get hotter.**

#7 - 2:02:50 to 2:08:00  - Kacey Jordan & Eric John - BJ

#8 - 2:19:00 to 2:40:00 - Shyla Stylez & Randy Spears - BJ, pussy eating, fucking, facial

#9 - 2:41:30 to 3:02:00 - Kayden Kross & Evan Stone - BJ, fucking

Disc 2 includes over 2 hours worth of tedious, mind-numbing Behind The Scenes stuff. It seems they include the same type of stuff in each of the 10 (I think there were 10, but again, it became mind-numbing) parts of BTS: watching the stars rehearse, seeing the still photography shoots, the cameraman (director Will Ryder) getting fresh with the women… lots of the same. There were a few funny parts, like Will Ryder getting pantsed and Brad Hardy getting his neck shaved, but other than that, really not worth watching, in my opinion.

Disc 2 also has 19 minutes of the director, Will Ryder (aka co-producer Jeff Mullen), and co-producer Scott David talking about their inspiration and goal behind the film in their Travelogue. The guys are kind of funny when they talk to each other, but this part was pretty tedious as well.

The last special feature is the Cast and Crew Interviews which, to be honest, I was too bored to watch. I’m fairly sure that most of you, like me, don’t really care what the cast and crew have to say, as long as they made a good fuck film.

Though I don’t have a lot to compare this porn to, both the man and I thought it was pretty entertaining and the sex scenes were pretty hot, especially the two scenes that I pointed out above. I laughed, I got wet, I had great sex following… a good time was had by all!

I’ll give Flight Attendants three and a half out of five Happy Bamboos!

Disclaimer: I have a material connection and receive products, as in-kind payments, from Adam & Eve for review.

My honey is gone. Gone for the WHOLE WEEK!! I miss him terribly and I wish he were here to take care of me, but he’s not, and a girl still has needs. So, though nothing can replace having him inside of me, these toys will have to do.

Be sure to check out the other HNTs over at Osbasso’s blog. HHNT!

I was really excited to try out this Adam & Eve product. I’ve never tried any type of Ben Wa Balls before but these immediately caught my eye. The summary on the website promises “low-grade vibration with every step.” I was hoping I’d be able to wear it around secretly during the day and be super randy for my man when he got home at night.

It pains me that I can’t write a proper review about these Duotone Balls. LITERALLY gives me pains. I tried them two different times, a couple of weeks apart from each other, and both times I got really painful cramps. I don’t know WHY, but my body just does not like these one-piece Ben Wa Balls.

So, since I can’t rave about how great they are, I will just give you the specs on the Balls:

• They look fabulous. I love the smooth red finish and black ridges.
• The toy is 4 inches long and 1.25 inches wide.

• The toy has a 3.25 inch pull cord for easy removal.
• The majority of the toy is silicone but the ridged inserts are made of plastic.
• The ends with the balls are firm, but the middle is completely flexible.
• There is a weighted ball in the tip of the toy that moves when you do, supposedly creating low-grade vibrations.
• Just like regular Ben Wa Balls, you can strengthen your Kegel muscles by clenching & squeezing.
• The toy is completely waterproof since there are no electrical components.

I am not going to assign this toy a Happy Bamboo scale because I didn’t get to truly try them, but if you have tried Ben Wa Balls in the past and have enjoyed them, I hope you’ll consider trying the Duotone Balls, because I think they COULD be a good toy, for one who’s body doesn’t reject them.

Disclaimer: I have a material connection and receive products, as in-kind payments, from Adam & Eve for review.

General Nalrard entered the Queen’s chamber as he was ordered to do, immediately upon returning from a raid. She was naked, as usual, and on her hands and knees on her chaise, being serviced by 4 slaves - one male was thrusting into her ass, one female was licking her clit and fingering her cunt, another female was licking and massaging her breasts and nipples, and another male was fucking her mouth.

He was not at all surprised to find her like this. In fact, more often than not, she was in a similar position whenever he came to see her. He walked to a spot where she could see him and waited patiently for her to give him permission to speak.

The male slave who was in her mouth began to groan as he got close to climax. The Queen pushed him away and out of her mouth. She gave his cock a hard slap, eliciting a gasp of pain. “Don’t you dare come yet,” she said cruelly. “You know the consequences of coming before you’re given permission. Get back to the stables and take care of the General’s horse.”

“Yes, Highness,” replied the slave, as he quickly slunk out of the room.

“General,” she looked at him expectantly, still on all fours and still being serviced, “please tell me you have good news for me.”

“Highness,” he began nervously, “I’m afraid that we have ransacked every town in the land and we still have yet to find it.”

She shuddered, though whether it was the result of an orgasm or her anger, he didn’t know. She slapped the remaining three slaves away from her. “Be gone, peasants!”

The slaves scrambled up and out of the room, knowing that her wrath had a target in the General for the moment, but any hesitation would bring it down upon them.

The Queen stood and wrapped a translucent robe around her voluptuous body and walked towards the General. She appeared calm, but her blazing eyes told another story. She ran her hands lightly over the General’s armor before bringing her lips to his and kissing him deeply. As he felt her tongue dance across his, he also felt her nimble fingers loose the straps of the armor until it clattered to the floor. She pushed down his breeches and broke the kiss, leaving him naked and hard before her.

“I don’t think you understand the importance of your mission, General,” she said calmly as she gently stroked his cock.

Concerned momentarily only with the sensations he was feeling, he spoke honestly, “No, Highness, I don’t understand why finding an old book is of importance.”

Her hand quickly left his cock and she slapped him with enough force to bring him to his knees. “You insolent fool!” she screamed. “That book is the key! It will bring me unspeakable power! I must have it!”

She strode back behind a curtain that separated off a portion of the room and the General struggled to his feet. “GUARDS!” she shouted. Four large men rushed in immediately. “Tie the General prone on the chaise.” The guards grabbed him and though he fought back, they overpowered him and positioned him as the Queen had ordered, tying his arms and legs tightly before leaving the chamber.

The Queen emerged from behind the curtain, wearing a large strap-on cock and wielding a a bamboo cane. The General quivered as she positioned herself behind him and pressed the cock threateningly against his ass. “I think it’s time, General, that you learn the consequences of failing me.”

This week’s Microfantasy Monday theme from Sweltering Celt is “Books.” I hope you enjoyed my take on it!