It’s Panda, Miss Dementia If You’re Nasty

It had been an exhausting day, herding a group of 3rd graders during a field trip at the zoo on what turned out to be the hottest day of the year. As soon as I got home, I stripped and laid down on the bed, under the fan, willing myself to cool off. I hadn’t planned on it, but I fell asleep.

I awoke to the sound of my husband, Evan, returning from the computer programming company he works for. I heard him come in the door, drop his stuff off in his office and walk toward the bedroom. He peeked his head in the door and his eyes lit up when he saw me on the bed, naked.

“Well hello, gorgeous. Tough day?”

I sighed. “Very tough. We had the field trip today and it was exhausting. I had to stop Tyler from climbing into a few different animal cages. I passed out soon after I got home.”

He furrowed his brow in concern. “Yikes.” Then the sparkle in his eye and mischievous grin returned. “I made something for you today that I think will be perfect to take your mind off of this tough day. And you’re in the perfect position to enjoy it.”

“Ooh! A surprise?! I can’t wait to see it!”

He stepped a little further into the room and opened the double doors wide. “Robo, come,” he commanded.

I gasped as a 4 foot high machine that looked like something out of a sci-fi movie rolled into the room.

“Wha… what is it?” I stammered.

“A little something I put together for you, something to keep you company when I’m away. Will you scoot toward the end of the bed so I can show you what it does?”

I hesitantly did what he asked.

“Robo, turn.” The machine turned itself toward me.

“Robo, dildo.” A door on the front of the machine popped open and with a mechanical groan, a bar with a dildo attached slid out.

“Evan, ohmigod! You can’t be serious!”

“Come on, love, I spent a lot of time building and programming this. At least give it a try.”

I bit my lip uncertainly. “Ugh, ok, fine.”

“Good girl. Robo, lube.” Another “arm” slid out of the robot and squirted lube on my pussy, making me gasp at the cold slickness. “Now will you slide yourself a little bit down on the dildo?”

I did as my husband asked, moaning as I pushed my pussy down on the thick dildo.

“Robo, thrust.” The dildo arm started thrusting into me at a slow pace. As much as I didn’t want to, I couldn’t help but moan at how good it felt.

“Robo, faster.” The dildo thrusted faster.

“Robo, vibrate.” A third arm with a round nub on the end slid from the machine and made contact with my clit. It began to vibrate and I moaned even louder.

Evan sunk down on the bed next to me and began kissing my neck. “Now I want you to control him. He recognizes over 100 commands. Just make sure you say his name first,” he whispered into my ear. He slid his tongue down to my nipples and began suckling on them, causing my hips to twitch in response.

“Umm… Robo… thrust harder.” The machine responded immediately. “Oh God… Robo… vibrate faster.” The vibrations on my clit sped up.

Being filled with a thick, thrusting cock, having amazingly on point vibrations on my clit, and having my husband suck and nibble on my nipples had me screaming in orgasm in a very short time. And then again. After the third orgasm, I needed a break.

Breathless, I managed one last command: “Robo, stop.” The thrusting and vibration stopped, and the arms retracted into the body of the machine.

Evan stopped playing with my nipples and looked up at me, smiling. “So am I right to assume you like your present?”

All I could manage was a satisfied groan in response.

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This story was written for Microfantasy Monday. Sweltering Celt’s theme for this week was “anything geeky.” I hope you enjoyed my take on it!

How cool does this look?

A double ended vibrator that twists 90 degrees for different variations of fun? Seriously cool, right?!

Well, the Climax Twist Vibrator performs just about as brilliantly as it looks.

This cute, purple (yes, I know, ANOTHER purple toy!) double vibrator is 12.5 inches long from tip to tip and 1.5 inches wide (enough to give you a deliciously full feeling when inserted). It has a fairly strong motor in both ends, each with 7 speed settings and independent controls. One tip of the toy is rounded, a la the Hitachi, the other is angled to be used for G-spot stimulation.

The  motors certainly don’t compare to the motor of a Hitachi or a Wahl, but they are stronger than most vibrator motors and were certainly enough to get me off, though not as quickly as the previously mentioned toys do.

The toy can either be used straight, which works well for clit-only stimulation when you’re playing on your own, or it can be twisted into a 90 degree angle, which gives you a great handle for G-spot-only stimulation when you’re playing on your own. When you’re with a partner, either position works well.

Did I mention that it’s cordless and rechargeable? Well, it is! An AC adapter comes with the toy and it’s very simple to plug in. The description of the toy on Adam & Eve’s website says that a single charge lasts roughly 30 to 35 minutes on the highest setting, and the instructions in the toy’s box tells  you to charge the toy before using it for the first time. However, it came already charged, I didn’t charge it before I used it the first time, I’ve used it 3 different times for a total of about 45 minutes of play and it STILL hasn’t died on me.

When I first saw this toy on Adam & Eve’s website, I was SO excited that I’d be able to have G-spot stimulation and clit stimulation AT THE SAME TIME with only ONE TOY when I was masturbating. Therein lies the ONLY problem I found with the Climax Twist: the toy is actually TOO long and when you insert the G-spot end of it, the rounded tip comes NO WHERE NEAR your clit.

Now I suppose if you had a REALLY deep G-spot, the Climax Twist would work as a simultaneous vibrator, but I believe for the normal woman, this toy fails at doing that.

What would make the toy better? Instead of having a twisting center, have a center made like a bendy straw. You know how you can bend & move & reposition a bendy straw? Yeah, like that. That way, you can have the G-spot vibrator in place and position the clit vibrator in whatever way works best for you. (Don’t worry, Adam & Eve, I only expect a small royalty when you start manufacturing the AWESOME dual vibrators based on my idea.)

As far as a powerful vibrator that can be used with a “friend” or on your G-spot and clit separately, the Climax Twist Vibrator(sold for $79.95)  succeeds marvelously.

And now it’s time for the breakdown:

PROS: Double ends gives you 2 options of pleasure, strong motor in each end, 7 different settings for each motor so you can find what works best for you, perfect width & length if you like to feel filled up, cordless, rechargeable, long battery life.

CONS: Cannot be used simultaneously on G-spot and clit, a little more pricey than other vibrators.

All in all, I was very satisfied with this toy, so I give it 4.5 out of 5 Happy Bamboos!

Disclaimer: I have a material connection and receive products, as in-kind payments, from Adam & Eve for review.

So. Clit sensitizer. Though it’s rare that I have trouble orgasming through clit stimulation, I figured this cream (though I’d characterize it more as a gel) surely couldn’t hurt. The outcome?

I’m happy to announce that I finally have a fairly positive review to write!

Though the “Make Me Cum” Clit Sensitizer gel/cream/whatever isn’t the be-all and end-all of sex accessories, it did make things more interesting in the bedroom, both with my partner and on my own.

Here are the specs on this sexy extra:

- Ingredients: Deionized Water, Propylene Glycol, Hydroxyethylcellulose,           L-Arginine, Menthol, Methylparaben, Lechithin and Tetrasodium EDTA.           The L-Arginine is apparently the magic maker and is supposed to                           ”increase clitoral sensitivity and frequency of orgasms!” The                                      menthol gives this clear gel a bit of a Ben Gay smell, but only if you stick            your nose right in the jar.

- You get 1/2 fl. oz. of this gel in the cute, tiny jar, but the average number           of applications is 46. This is because you only need a fingertip’s worth of             the gel per application.

- It can be found for $9.95 at Adam & Eve.

So, like I said, there wasn’t a huge heavens-opening-up-angels-singing-orgasmic-epiphany type revelation with the gel, but here’s what it did do: just what it promised. It made my clit more sensitive, both when touched by fingers and by my Hitachi, and one orgasm rolled into another without the “down slope” that normally happens in between my orgasms.

It was a nice extra. Not mind blowing, but it enhanced my orgasms. Because of that, I give the “Make Me Cum” Clit Sensitizer cream 3 out of 5 Happy Bamboos.

Disclaimer: I have a material connection and receive products, as in-kind payments, from Adam & Eve for review.

In the dark and intimate private back room, her bare breasts swayed hypnotically in front of me. Her hips kept time with the music, her tanned, smooth skin glistening. Having her so close to me made me crazy with desire. I wanted nothing but to run my tongue over the entire length of her body, paying special attention to her gorgeous tits and her perfect nipples.

She moved closer to me, putting her knees on each side of my hips and gyrating right in front of my face. “You can touch, sweetie,” she whispered to me.

“I wasn’t sure how much was okay,” I laughed nervously.

“It’s  okay, darlin’, I trust you.” She took my hands and put them on her hips, sliding them up her body and over her beautiful breasts. I became instantly soaked and didn’t need any more encouragement to continue running my hands over her smooth skin while she looked intensely into my eyes.

As she danced, she moved her face closer and closer to mine, her lips coming achingly close to touching mine. She would brush her lips over my neck, over the exposed flesh of my cleavage, but all I really wanted was to feel her lips on mine, to press my tongue into her mouth and taste her.

Getting hornier and braver with every gyration of her hips above mine, I ran my hands once more down her body, moving my hands down her hips, onto her thighs, allowing my thumbs to graze between her legs very lightly. She gasped and pressed her pussy down into my thumbs.

A smile appeared on her face and she leaned forward once again. “You are trouble. Sexy, sexy trouble,” she purred at me and, finally, met my lips with hers.

I put one hand on the back of her neck and pulled her lips harder to mine, invading her mouth with my tongue and drinking in every sensation that her breasts pressed to mine caused and every taste that I experienced in her mouth. I slipped my thumb under the fabric of her G-string so I could rub her clit and found that she was just as wet as I was.

After what felt like an eternity, she pulled away from me, breathless, and gasped into my ear, “Our time is up, Trouble. But why don’t you meet me in the bathroom in 15 and we can finish what we started? I want you to make me cum.”

“It would be my pleasure, doll. See you in a few.” One last, stolen kiss and I walked back to my seat next to the stage, a satisfied smile on my face, knowing I’d be making her scream soon.

This week’s Microfantasy Monday theme is Breasts, brought to us by Sweltering Celt in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I love breasts! My own, those belonging to other women… they’re all just beautiful! I hope you all do whatever you can to support Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Save the tatas!  :-D

Written for the Microfantasy Monday “Thunder” topic, posted by Sweltering Celt.

Was I nervous?  Yes.  Was I afraid I’d mess something up?  Hell yes.  Did I dive right in (no pun intended)?  You bet your ass I did.  There’s no way to know if you can do something or if you’re good at something without just jumping right in and trying it.

She encouraged me as I hesitantly ran my tongue up the length of her slit.  She tasted so incredibly sweet, her skin and her clit felt so electric against my tongue.  I explored her folds, probed her dark spaces, reveled in the slight bucks of her hips as I hit the right spots.  As the twitches and moans became more consistent, I knew I was heading in the right direction.  As her legs clamped around my head and her moans became thunder in my ears, her hips bucking her pussy harder against my mouth, I knew that I had it.  I attacked her pussy with even more fervor, sucking hungrily on her pulsating clit, introducing my fingers to her G-spot, causing the thunder to crash louder and louder around my head.  One final, bed-shaking boom exploded in my ears, her thighs squeezed my head, her juices flowed out of her and coated my mouth and my face, and then all was quiet, all was still.