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Review: Flight Attendants

by on Feb.04, 2010, under NSFW, Reviews

flight-attendants I haven’t watched a whole lot of porn in my lifetime, at least not the type of porn with a “plot”, so I was excited when Adam & Eve sent me this movie to review. It came as a surprise, but a pleasant one! I’ve got a huge crush on Teagan Presley, so I was excited to watch her at work.

Flight Attendants is an Adam & Eve Pictures film directed by Will Ryder. It won the 2010 AVN Award for Best Comedy and is marketed as a quasi-parody of the movie “Airplane.” The cover of the DVD boasts: “If you liked ‘Airplane’ you’ll love Flight Attendants!” Yes, with that exact punctuation. What the cover lacks in proper English, though, the film makes up for in a little bit of laughs and quite a bit of hot sex.

The first thing I noticed when I started the DVD was that there was a menu option to “Select a Star,” which allows you to jump to the scenes that a particular star is in. I don’t know if other DVDs do that, but I thought it was a cool feature.

The film features the talents (I won’t say ACTING talents, ’cause we all know that acting talent isn’t what gets porn stars hired) of a few big names and some lesser known names as well:

kayden_kross Teagan Presleyteagan-presley Kayden Kross

hillary-scott Shyla Stylezshyla-stylez Hillary Scott

eva-angelina Sunny Lanesunny-lane2 Eva Angelina

misty-stone Kacey Jordankacey-jordan Misty Stone

lexi-love Michelle Maylenemichelle-maylene Lexi Love

kenzi-marie Cali Couturecali-couture Kenzi Marie

chastity-lynn Evan Stoneevan-stone2 Chastity Lynn

james-bartholetjack-lawrence Jack Bartholet                                               Jack Lawrence

randy-spearseric-swiss

Randy Spears                                                 Eric Swiss

If I were to write a synopsis for this film, it would be this: Failing airline sex-ifies it’s flight attendants in order to make a comeback. A competitor airline tries to sabotage it. After fucking every which way, except anal, surprisingly, everyone lives happily ever after… or do they?

As far as the plot, the movie is on the upper scale of adult movies. The writer(s) have written a fairly concise, humorous movie. The funniest lines in the movie came from James Bartholet, who played the token gay guy. Lines like “I hate the smell of cum in the morning” and “Excuse me, Sodom and Gomorrah, what do you think you’re doing? If you think we’re cleaning cum off the seat, you’ve got another thing coming” made me laugh out loud.

The token black guy, played  by Thomas Ward, was also pretty humorous with his Cosby impression: ”Yes, Steve, I will cover for you. But ONLY get a BJ, we’re way too busy. And I, too, would like to get my Pudding Pop licked, but somebody has to stay here and stop these fucking plans from crashing into each other.”

There were a few things that bugged me throughout the film:

- There is a stereotypical ghetto-black-chick-turned-chic, played by Misty Stone. She starts the movie out in a run-down apartment, with nappy hair, a stained shirt, and a hell of a lot of kids. These are some of her classic lines: “You know, Momma, that’s true, I’m IS a peoples person!” “[stereotypical black name here], shut the fuck up!” “What did I tell you about putting the cat in the microwave?!” ”A little more white? Nigga, please, I’m white as rice!”

I didn’t appreciate the playing off of racial epithets to get a laugh. I also didn’t appreciate the shirtless fat guy at minute 8:30. Avoid that if you can.

- In quite a few parts in the film, the background music overpowers the dialogue.

- In her sex scenes, Hillary Scott seems to be more concerned with the positioning of her hair than in getting fucked.

- Kayden Kross makes some really annoying Native-American-chanting-like moans during her sex scenes.

- Evan Stone has floppy balls that freak me out.

If you’re into porn ONLY for the sex (and with the quality of acting in these films, who would blame you?) then there are 9 different hot sex scenes for your viewing pleasure. Here are the stars, times and brief summary of the sex scenes:

#1 – 22:30 to 40:00 – Teagan Presley & Lexi Love: typical lesbian scene with lots of oral, a 69 and a glass dildo. **This is my second favorite scene because A) I have the hots for Teagan Presley and B) I love lesbian scenes. One disappointment, though – Teagan keeps her bra on through the entire scene.**

#2 – 44:20 to 54:00 – double masturbation scene w/ Misty Stone & Lexi Love while Kayden Kross looks on. Jack Lawrence joins in for a double BJ.

#3 – 56:45 to  1:02:00 – Sunny Lane & Eric Swiss – BJ

#4 – 1:02:00 to 1:07:30 – Hillary Scott & Brad Hardy – pussy eating, BJ. Transitions into:

#5  1:07:30 to  ? – Hillary Scott – masturbating, random pool guy comes in & she gives him a BJ and they fuck.

#6 – 1:34:00 to 1:57:00 – Eric Swiss & Eva Angelina – BJ & pussy eating, Sunny Lane joins for lez licking, fucking, double BJ, facials. **This is the hottest scene in my opinion. Eva Angelina takes a mouth fucking like a champ and the threesome just continues to get hotter.**

#7 – 2:02:50 to 2:08:00  - Kacey Jordan & Eric John – BJ

#8 – 2:19:00 to 2:40:00 – Shyla Stylez & Randy Spears – BJ, pussy eating, fucking, facial

#9 – 2:41:30 to 3:02:00 – Kayden Kross & Evan Stone – BJ, fucking

Disc 2 includes over 2 hours worth of tedious, mind-numbing Behind The Scenes stuff. It seems they include the same type of stuff in each of the 10 (I think there were 10, but again, it became mind-numbing) parts of BTS: watching the stars rehearse, seeing the still photography shoots, the cameraman (director Will Ryder) getting fresh with the women… lots of the same. There were a few funny parts, like Will Ryder getting pantsed and Brad Hardy getting his neck shaved, but other than that, really not worth watching, in my opinion.

Disc 2 also has 19 minutes of the director, Will Ryder (aka co-producer Jeff Mullen), and co-producer Scott David talking about their inspiration and goal behind the film in their Travelogue. The guys are kind of funny when they talk to each other, but this part was pretty tedious as well.

The last special feature is the Cast and Crew Interviews which, to be honest, I was too bored to watch. I’m fairly sure that most of you, like me, don’t really care what the cast and crew have to say, as long as they made a good fuck film.

Though I don’t have a lot to compare this porn to, both the man and I thought it was pretty entertaining and the sex scenes were pretty hot, especially the two scenes that I pointed out above. I laughed, I got wet, I had great sex following… a good time was had by all!

I’ll give Flight Attendants three and a half out of five Happy Bamboos!

happybamboohappybamboohappybamboohalfhappybamboo

Disclaimer: I have a material connection and receive products, as in-kind payments, from Adam & Eve for review.

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