It’s Panda, Miss Dementia If You’re Nasty

So don’t treat me like one.

Just because I disagree with some of your opinions, just because I express my concern about some of your actions, does NOT mean that I am judging you or that I am personally attacking you.

There is a HUGE difference between a personal attack and a dissenting opinion. This is a difference that not enough people understand. There are BAD people and then there are good people that make the occasional bad decision. When someone is under the opinion that an action you took was a bad decision, they are not calling you a bad person.

There are a lot of bloggers who get nasty, ridiculously insulting personal attacks via blog comments/emails/formspring questions/etc., but far too many of these bloggers are too quick to lump people who express dissenting opinions without personal attacks into this asshole category. Yes, sometimes people express dissenting opinions in heated, passionate ways, but even if they are calling your opinion ridiculous or your action “dickish”, that does not equate to them talking shit about you.

There are some bloggers who also claim that people are judgmental from a distance and judge only on what they read without seeking more details. I think this is silly because why should I, as a blog reader, assume that you are leaving details out of your stories or accounts of your experiences? You tell me what you want me to know, so of course I have to draw my conclusions from what I have read instead of assuming you haven’t told the whole story and asking you for the missing details. If I post a comment about your blog post and you think I have misunderstood what you were saying, then either clarify the points I misunderstood or just write me off as not understanding the intent of what you were saying or make sure you put everything you want people to know in the original blog post. There’s no need to take it as a personal affront, there’s no need to get hostile or pull the “DON’T JUDGE ME! YOU DON’T KNOW ME!” card.

I can understand not enjoying when people disagree with you (after all, everybody likes to be validated) but please, I beg of you, take a step back and evaluate the comment from a non-emotional standpoint before you react. Did the commenter say “I rarely hear you mention safe sex. I was wondering what you use to practice safe sex, if anything?” or did they say, “You never use protection when you whore around and I think it’s disgusting and you ought to be ashamed of yourself”? One is a personal attack, the other is a harmless question. I promise you, your life will be filled with a lot less drama if you can make this distinction.

Disclaimer: Though this post was inspired by a few certain bloggers and I took examples from certain blog posts, I in no way dislike these bloggers or think they are bad people. Quite the opposite, actually. I am simply disagreeing with the idea that expressing dissenting opinions or expressing concern is a personal attack. The End.

A post was written recently by Britni, an opinionated sex blogger who seems to have a lot of support (though I’m sure the vast majority of you who read this know who she is), about judging people. The blog post appears to be written in response to a post on Eden Cafe about Cheating.

Britni writes some very good things (mostly about sex & relationship choices) about not judging people because you never know how you’d handle it if you were in their shoes. A very well written post and I agree with her points, except for one thing:

It’s hypocritical. Why, you ask? Well, the same girl who is writing about not judging people does exactly that: judges people. HARSHLY sometimes. I follow her on Facebook and Twitter and I have seen many a judgmental thing pass through her feed. As of the time I’m writing this, I’m no longer able to see her past Facebook posts (maybe as a result of the comment I left on her blog post?), so I cannot give specific examples other than these two that I remember explicitly:

1) In response to the Focus on the Family video with Tim Tebow’s parents talking about their choice to NOT have an abortion, she said this: “Tim Tebow’s parents = crazypants.” When I posted a comment asking why the Tebow’s were “crazypants,” Britni did not give me an answer, but another follower of hers did: “Because they’re Christians, silly.”

2) She posted a link to an article called “Why Liberals Are More Intelligent Than Conservatives” and commented: “I just like the title.”

Now, it appears to me that Britni is against judging people, but only when those people’s views match up with her own, only when they are speaking out about things that she agrees on. Shouldn’t “not judging people” apply to religion and political affiliation as well as sexual orientation and relationship decisions?

Now, all that being said, Britni does point out that it’s easy to judge people, after all, we’re only human. And this is certainly true. It’s natural to judge someone when our moral compass differs from theirs. However, there is a HUGE difference between saying, “You’re ok with abortion? Well, I’m vehemently against it, but you’re entitled to your opinion” and calling someone names, “You’re ok with abortion and you speak out for pro-choice? You’re crazypants.”

Even if we judge others for doing things we don’t agree with or having opinions we don’t agree with, we need to respect their right to have their own opinion. Offer your opinion, start a healthy debate, but DO NOT “hate on” people that you don’t know just because they choose to speak out about something they believe in and then get upset about people judging you without knowing you.

Britni ends her post with this: “It’s not our place to judge other people; we can disagree all we want, but judgment is best excluded. Or at the very least, kept to ourselves.” Great advice. Make sure you follow it.

I believe in God, the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth. I believe in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord and Savior.

I do not believe that the Bible as we have it now is infallible. I believe that it started out as God’s Word, but throughout the years, throughout the revisions and translations and the politics of the church, it has become distorted into “what man wants God’s Word to be.”

I believe the greatest lesson to take from the Bible is The Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” This also ties into “Love Your Neighbor As Yourself.” I believe that too many Christians forget this and take it upon themselves to judge those around them instead of loving them unconditionally.

I believe, as I just said, that the church is full of politics and hypocritical and judgemental people, which turn a lot of people away from any sort of religion. This makes me sad.

I do not believe that you have to attend church in order to commune and have a relationship with God. I do not believe that there needs to be any third party in the middle of your communication with God.

I believe that God made he human body a beautiful thing. I do not believe that we are supposed to feel shameful of our bodies, shameful of being naked, otherwise Adam and Eve would not have been created as naked beings.

I believe that sex and sensuality are amazing, natural things. I believe that if God had made sex strictly for procreation, He wouldn’t have made it so fun!

I do not feel ashamed about the erotic words I write, I do not feel ashamed of the pictures I post. The only reason I keep my name off of these things is because I know it could be an issue if future employers ever find it. I do not believe that employers should have the right to discriminate on those who express their natural, God-given sensual sides. I live my life in a manner that not only makes me proud but I believe pleases God as well and I do not believe that anyone should judge me based on the fact that I like to take artistic, nude pictures and write sexy words.  Unfortunately, I’ve heard of many cases where this exact thing happened.

These are some of the things I believe and whether you agree with me or not, I love you unconditionally. Until you piss me off, that is. ;-p

I know I’m a little late for Blog for Choice Day (it was back on Friday, January 22 and it celebrated the 37th anniversary of Roe v. Wade), but I’ve been giving my opinions some thought and decided to post what I’ve come up with.

I am Pro-Choice.

I strongly believe that you have the CHOICE to have sex.

If you are not prepared to have sex RESPONSIBLY, then DON’T HAVE SEX.

If you DO have sex responsibly but are not prepared to deal with the consequences of a rare birth control failure, then DON’T HAVE SEX.

I had an unplanned pregnancy my senior year in college. Was I prepared for it? Hell no. I was young, I wasn’t settled, didn’t have a job, wasn’t emotionally prepared to have a child. Was abortion an option? HELL NO. Despite my lack of preparation, killing the child growing inside of me was not even a thought.

Yes, that’s right, I said KILLING A CHILD. Because that’s what abortion is. It’s not “termination,” it’s not “ending a pregnancy,” it’s KILLING a LIVING HUMAN. These terms are euphemisms. The dictionary definition of a euphemism is this: the substitution of a mild, indirect, or vague expression for one thought to be offensive, harsh, or blunt. Is that not exactly what these terms are? No one wants to hear that they are killing their baby, because that’s the harsh truth. Instead, most women who get abortions dance around what they are really doing to make it easier on themselves. Any one who needs to use a euphemism to refer to their “choice” to have an abortion is, in my eyes, not mentally ready to have an abortion.

My decision to never have an abortion had nothing to do with my Christian faith. I wasn’t even a Christian when I made the decision. When I was in middle school, we watched an abortion video in Science class. It was called “Silent Scream.” In this video, we saw the effects of an abortion through an ultrasound. We saw a baby being ripped limb from limb as it was sucked forcefully out of it’s mother’s uterus. We saw the baby’s head being crushed by forceps so that it could be pulled out of the mother. We saw buckets of discarded baby parts in the back room of an abortion clinic. Seeing the HORROR and VIOLENCE of what goes on in an abortion made my decision against abortion for me.

A BABY aborted at 22 weeks

If you have not seen “Silent Scream,” I highly suggest you watch it here. It is powerful and disturbing, and if you are for abortion, I hope that it gives you a new perspective on it.

So, abortion was not an option for me. I faced the consequences of my CHOICE to have sex. I went to classes when I was dealing with morning sickness, I made up my assignments on the days that I couldn’t get out of bed, I finished up my degree and I continued  to work so that I could support the little miracle growing inside of me and I grew the fuck up. Despite the fact that it was an unplanned pregnancy, my son was the biggest blessing I could have ever asked for. Even when I was struggling to support us, even when the rest of my childless friends were able to go out for the evening and I was stuck at home with my baby, I never regretted it, I never wished that I could go back and change it. I had made my CHOICE and I was happy to live with it, as difficult as it could be at times.

When thinking about abortion, I became curious as to how many women who have them end up regretting them. Upon Googling “post abortion support,” I found HUNDREDS of groups dedicated to helping women cope with having abortions. If there was no need for these groups, they wouldn’t exist. According to ClinicQuotes.com, in a five year study cited in “Report on the Committee on the Operation of the Abortion Law” (Ottawa, Canada, 1977, p 20-1), 25% of women who had abortion sought out psychiatric care later, as opposed to only 3% of women who did not have abortions.”

Some women who feel fine about their abortions immediately after may even develop psychiatric problems later on in their life as a result. David Reardon, author of Aborted Women: Silent No More (Westchester, Ill.:Crossway Books, 1987, 116) says:

A woman that a six-month post-abortion survey declares “well-adjusted” may experience severe trauma on the anniversary of the abortion date, or even many years later. This fact is attested to in psychiatric textbooks which affirm that…”the psychiatrist frequently hears expressions of remorse and guilt concerning abortions that occurred twenty or more years earlier.” In one study, the number of women who expressed “serious self-reproach” increased fivefold over the period of time covered by the study.

There can also be many physical consequences of an abortion, including damage to the uterus, damage to the cervix, damage to other internal organs, heavy bleeding, infection, sepsis, etc. If the “choice” for abortion is such a good one, such a “blessing” as Rev. Katherine Ragsdale puts it (this article was brought to my attention by Brit’s post for Blog for Choice day), why would women’s bodies and minds react in such a way?

1.3 million abortions a year. Is that really acceptable in a country where birth control is easily accessible? Over at the Champagne and Benzedrine blog, he quotes “Tammy Bruce, a self-proclaimed ‘conservative feminist’”. She says: “With every kind of birth control available in the world, abortion is not something to be proud of. If you need an abortion, you’ve failed.” I don’t know if “failed” is the right word, so much as you’ve refused to accept the consequences of your CHOICE.

So what now? Well, I think that women AND men need to be educated on what abortion REALLY is. If someone took a hit of acid which caused them to be violent and kill someone, you wouldn’t call it a “blessing” and applaud their choice to do what they want with their body. You would call it a tragedy and think what a bad CHOICE that person made. That may be a harsh comparison, but that’s pretty much what’s happening. Women are making the CHOICE of what to do with their bodies and innocent humans are getting killed in their wake.

“Early feminist Mattie Brinkerhoff, writing in Victorian women’s rights magazine The Revolution, said the following:

When a man steals to satisfy hunger, we may safely conclude that there is something wrong in society. So when a woman destroys the life of her unborn child, it is an evidence that either by education or circumstances she has been greatly wronged.” (Champagne and Benzedrine)

Instead of fighting for the right to kill, let’s fight for the right to educate and protect.