It’s Panda, Miss Dementia If You’re Nasty

The Screaming Octopus Waterproof Vibrator is another toy I received from Sex Toys. I’m going to hold off on telling you about my experience with the toy until I give you the specs -

- It is a 1.5″ tall “personal massager.”

- It is waterproof.

- It is made of… ? Neither the website nor the box specify what material it is made out of, but it is some kind of flexible, jelly-type material.

- The motor is in the head of the tiny octopus, with a push button on the very top to turn it on. There is only one vibration setting, which is actually fairly strong for such a small motor, and the vibrations are the most intense at the tips of the tentacles.

- There is a 2″-ish length of stretchy jelly attached to the top of the octopus, to be used for… I really have no idea.

- The toy can be purchased for $17.86 over at TheirToys.com.

Now for my personal experience with the Screaming Octopus -

When I first got this toy, I was skeptical of it for two reasons:

1) I think it’s creepy when any sex toys have a face.

“Why would you want to banish me to your nether regions? I’m just a poor, helpless octopus!”

2) This toy is racist. No seriously, look:

You see how in the 2nd bullet it says “use on her for gentile external stimulation”? So apparently only Gentiles are allowed to use this toy on their external parts. Sorry, Jews, this octopus isn’t for you!

Seriously, though, whether that is supposed to be “gentle” or “genital,” it’s spelled wrong and as an English major/teacher, it makes me VERY skeptical of the product and the company that puts it out. Then again, down at the bottom (which is cut off in the picture above), it says it’s made in China, so I guess it’s just another example of Engrish Funny.

*ahem* Moving on…

The Man gave me a hand in testing this product and tried running the “tentacles head to toe for a tingly massage,” only to leave me yawning and a bit annoyed. So, yeah, that didn’t work. He then teased my clit with it, and teasing it did, but even when pressed down hard on my clit and rubbed in the circular pattern that usually gets me off quickly, the Octopus failed to deliver. I became impatient with the lack of zing from the Octopus fairly quickly, so I made The Man toss it aside and get down to the REAL business.

So, what was my opinion of the Screaming Octopus? Well, it left me screaming for something else to finish the job when it couldn’t. Though it may work ok for foreplay, I think it’s a shoddy toy, certainly not worth the $17.86 that TheirToys is charging for it, and I really don’t think it’s worth anyone’s time.

Also, I’m a little disappointed with the information, or lack thereof, that is given on most products on TheirToys.com. Some have information about materials the toy is made from and the dimensions and such, but a lot don’t. Both of the products that I have reviewed for them thus far haven’t had any information, either on the site or on the package of the toy itself, as to what it was made of. Both of the products have also seemed to have been of poor quality. As such, I will no longer be reviewing for TheirToys, but keep your eyes open for more reviews from Adam & Eve!

The breakdown:

Positives: Good for foreplay, waterproof

Negatives: No idea what it’s made of, vibrations are not strong enough to get me (and I suspect most other women) off, weird face judging you when you use it, overpriced\

I give this product 1 out of 5 Happy Bamboos.

Disclaimer: I have a material connection and receive products, as in-kind payments, from TheirToys.com for review.

Photo courtesy of Evocative Abyss

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether youíre looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, youíre going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #22? Start with the rules, check out the schedule and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

Important e[lust] update: e[lust] will be going on hiatus for the holidays. The editions for November and December would both occur around the holidays and I know I’ll be short on both submissions and judges as well as personal time. e[lust] #22 will return in January, with ample advance warning, so please make sure you’re subscribed for updates!

~ Featured Post (Lillyís Pick) ~

D/s Without the D/s? – This is one of those situations in a real time D/s relationship where much of the ìfunî aspects of the D/s needs to be stuffed in the closet for a bit. And for us, itís not a great time to be either a masochist or a sadist. We can deal with that.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Yes, Jelly Sex Toys Can be Dangerous – Even if a jelly rubber toy says ìphthalate-freeî, it still can contain toxic chemicals that can cause skin reactions in some people. These toys are still non-porous and can harbor dirt and bacteria because they cannot be sanitized.

~ This Weekís Top Three Posts ~

Unfortunately, this edition has no Top Three picks as I didn’t have enough volunteer judges. If you’d like to volunteer to help, visit this page to find out more info and ensure that the Top Three picks continue.

See also: Pleasurists #101 and #100 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the ìread moreÖî tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

All Painted Up…

A Modest Proposal: Should Ginger & Cooper Fuck?

Happy Sexual Freedom Day

How Do You Explain

Life in spanking after 30: part 2

Erotic Writing

blindfold

Fantasy: Movie Night

Feeling Helpless

Gabrielle, Guest Star

Happy Anniversary…

History Lesson

I Still Don’t Know How You Taste

Monday Morning 2am

Metallic Seduction

Need

New Erotic Story For The Holidays – Tinsel Temptation

Putting the car into park

The Ordeal (Part Four)

The Sweetest Violation

The Young Mom

The Moment

The Soccer Mom

Timeless in a Window’s Light

Kink & Fetish

A space to hate and rage and be angry (photo story)

Beyond the Bedroom

Does liking Helmut Newton equal a fetish?

Happy Halloween: Light Me Up

I am all pins and needles

Kink and Fibromyalgia

Ownership and Monogamy

Punishing the servants

Pi

Switching It Up

The Cage

The Sacred Swinger Holiday: Halloween!

the most amazing night with HIM

The Pedicure

The Right Question

Wax on, wax off!

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

All Roads Lead to Acceptance… I hope!

Crisis Averted

Dear boyfriend, I love you. And your cock.

Having Great Goddamned Expectations

If You Google it, I will Answer #9

I Don’t Know If I’ve Ever Been Really Loved By a Hand That’s Touched Me

How to Massage Manís G-spot

My Coming Out Story

National Coming Out Day

Recovering From Anorexia

Role Reversal

Sadie’s Condom PSA

The Man doesn’t spank me regularly, even though I deserve it, but when he does… he MORE than makes up for lost time. I think he’s a bit sadistic in the fact that he seems to enjoy testing my pain thresholds through spanking or biting, seeing just how much I can take, seeing just how red my skin becomes, but he swears he’s not – that he only does it because I like it. Either way, last night I was his naughty little slut and I got everything that was coming to me.

I hope everybody had a Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday. If you haven’t already, make sure you go over to Osbasso’s blog to check out other HNT hotness.  <3

rainbow by bootlog

Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #98? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #100? Be sure to read the submission guidelines and then use the submission form and submit it before Sunday October 17th at 11:59pm PDT. Also, keep a look out this week for our 100th Edition Giveaway Celebration!

Want to win some swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• Blogiversary giveaway: 2 years, 8 prizes! Deadline: October 15th @ 11:59pm Pacific.
• Guest Post and Giveaway Deadline: October 15th @ 11:59 Central.
• Win a bottle of Sliquid Swirl Pink Lemonade! Deadline: October 17th @ 11:59pm Pacific.
• Win a copy of Tantric Sex for Busy Couples by Diana Daffner Deadline: October 18th @ 11:59pm Pacific.
• Join in True’s 24th B-Day Blowout for the Chance to Some Sexy Party Favors! Deadline: October 18th @ 11am Central.
• Win the Death by Orgasm Scorpion vibe! Deadline: October 19th @ 11:59pm Pacific.
• Win a Whipspider toy from She Vibe! Deadline: October 20th @ Noon Eastern.
• Death By Orgasm Giveaway Deadline: October 22nd.
• Halloween Birthday Bash Giveaway Deadline: October 27th.
• M’s Halloweeny Birthday Bash Giveaway Deadline: October 29th @ 11:59pm Eastern.
• Holy 4th Blogiversary Contest Deadline: October 31st @ 11:59pm Pacific.
• Win Flower and Rocket Balm Deadline: October 31st.

Looking for sexy posts other than reviews?

e[lust] #20

Editor

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

• Sqweel by Ginger Leigh
• Sex A-Peel by True Pleasures
• LELO Liv by Mistress Kay
• Symphony by Evil Poptart
• LELO Gigi by Greta Switch
• LELO Mona by Evil Poptart
• Budding Bliss by Mistress Kay
• Pirates Pendant by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• OhMiBod Club Vibe by Kit O’Connell
• OhMiBod Club Vibe by Luscious Lily
• Remote Control Vibrating Panties by Kate
• Touche Ice Vibe by Aurore
• Fun Factory Ocean by Dr. Ruthie
• Fun Factory Spring by Kate
• Vibrating Dilator Set by Luscious Lily
• Fun Factory Patchy Paul III by Femenina Deliciosa
• Liberte 1 by LucyLemonade
• Pirate’s Cove by Sammi
• Wanachi Mini by Outspoken Clitic

Dildos

• Pink Passion Wand by Evil Poptart
• Cyberglass Oral Sex Strap On by Evil Poptart
• Don Johnson Super 7″ by Kynky Kytty
• Magic Stick by The Countess

Anal Toys

• Ophoria Rapture #6 by Cooper
• LELO Bob by Outspoken Clitic

Toys for Cocks

• The Roto-Bator by Mistress Kay
• Tunnel of Love by Bitchin’ Babe
• Fleshjack Vortex by Mistress Kay
• ClassiX Silicone Snatch by Missy
• Tenga Egg Spider by Luscious Lily

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

• Astroglide Natural by buzzvibe
• Shunga Secret Garden – Female Orgasm Enhancing Cream by The Bedroom Blogger
• Sweet Beauty Chocolate Body Cream by True Pleasures
• SkinnyDip Candles by Marilyn
• Sensuva ON Natural Oil for Her by Jane Blow
• Wet Synergy by Jonsbabydoll
• Gun Oil by Lucid Obsession
• Leau A Deux by Jessie Beth
• Romantic Spa Kit by Jessie Beth
• BabeLicious Chocolate Orange by Femenina Deliciosa
• Good Clean Love by LucyLemonade

BDSM/Fetish

• Fetish Fantasy Series Extreme Hogtie Kit by Isabel0329
• Nipple Charmers by Jessie Beth

Adult Books/Games

• Moregasm by Quizzical Pussy

Adult DVDs & Porn

• Madison Young’s Lucky: A Woman’s POV by Isabel0329
• Shadow – Dead Riot (Unrated) by The Porn Librarian
• Princess 69 – Midnight Gymnastics by FrzKey
• Fuck the Hell Out of Me – Scene 6 by The Porn Librarian
• Ultimate Surrender #23 Featuring Dylan & Nina by J.D. Bauchery
• Lesbian Lashes by The Porn Librarian
• The Art of Pole Volume 1 by Mistress Kay
• Torture Garden TGX by Joanna Cake
• An Open Invitation: A Real Swinger’s Party by Evil Poptart

Sex Furniture

• Liberator Stage by Mistress Kay

Lingerie

• Wicked Tickles Bow back Pants and Striped Thigh Highs by Joanna Cake

Miscellaneous

• SinFive Emigi by buzzvibe
• Candy Bra & G-String Combo by Isabel0329
• Keep it Clean by Missy
• G-Spot Link by buzzvibe
• Honeymoon in a Box by Dr. Ruthie
• Tentickler by PandaDementia
• Bijoux Indescrets Stripteuse Kit by Femenina Deliciosa
• Lube Launcher by Outspoken Clitic

Today, October 11th, is National Coming Out Day. According to Wikipedia, it is an internationally observed civil awareness day for coming out and discussion about gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual and transgender (LGBT) issues. It is observed by members of the LGBT communities and their supporters (often referred to as “allies”) on October 11 every year, or October 12 in the United Kingdom.

About a week ago, before I even knew there was such a thing, I came out as bisexual to all of Facebook – my family, my open-minded friends, and my strictly religious friends. Since I learned of NCOD, I have posted HRC’s status updates also outing myself as bisexual and urging people to stop the hate. I only got positive responses, but those responses were from open-minded friends who already knew I was bisexual. I haven’t gotten any response about it from the family members (everyone except my mom, who I told a few months back) or other friends who didn’t already know I was bisexual.

Today, I had my mom say something about my Facebook coming out: “I saw that you said you’re bisexual on Facebook. I don’t really understand that, because you’re in a monogamous relationship with a man now.”

Here’s what my response to her was, with extra commentary that I didn’t think of at the time: Yes, I am in a monogamous relationship with a man now and yes, it would be much easier for me to identify as straight, but that’s not who I am. Even though I’m in love with a man, that doesn’t make me stop being attracted to women, and that doesn’t make me not bisexual. I’m in a straight relationship, but I, myself, AM NOT STRAIGHT. I am bisexual, I am proud of myself, and it was important for me to come out as a way of being true to myself and supporting other LGBT people who have been targets of hate and discrimination.

I was definitely nervous about coming out to everyone because I wasn’t sure what the response would be, but in the end I decided to do it because 1) I am not ashamed of who I am, 2) it was the right thing to do in order to spread awareness about LGBT equality, and 3) if people change their opinions of me just because they now know I’m bisexual, then I don’t want them in my life anyways.

I don’t know if my mom really “got” what I was saying, but hopefully it’ll sink in and she’ll realize how important this step was to me and that I have no regrets for doing so.

I am Christian. I am bisexual. I am proud. And I am coming out for LGBT equality.

EDIT: I just got a response on Facebook from my brother – “Did I miss an announcement or some kind of family meeting?” My response: “Does there need to be a family meeting about something like this? I am what I am, and that’s all that I am. (Thanks for those words of wisdom, Popeye! lol)” My brother is a very conservative guy, so we’ll see how this pans out. I’ll keep you posted.

I was recently contacted by a new-ish company, one that I hadn’t heard of before, asking if I wanted to review for them. I said yes, of course, because experiencing new toys is FUN! And thus began the new relationship between PandaDementia and TheirToys.com. I checked out their site and there seemed to be quite a few toys that I had never seen anywhere else before and a lot of toys that I would LOVE to try and review (hello Cone!). Unfortunately, I didn’t get sent any of the toys I was interested in – I was sent this:

The Tentickler. You may have the same reaction as I did when I first pulled this… thing… out of the box: “Wha… what is it?! That’s supposed to go inside my pussy? I’m scared!!” Seriously, that’s what I thought. I was scared to try this penis extender, but the man convinced me to give it a try and he was sweet enough to help me do so.

Since the man was crucial to this review, I thought I’d let him give you his thoughts on the Tentickler, and then I’ll give you my side of the experience. But first, let me tell you a bit about the Tentickler:

The Description: The Tentickler is a penis extender, made to be put on the tip of the penis, in order to give a woman more sensation when her partner enters her with it on. It is 2.5″ in length and it consists of 3 parts: 1) the “head” – a rubbery bulge that has tentacles, for lack of a better word, protruding from it, 2) the sleeve – which is just like a blue condom, ready to be rolled down the penis, and 3) the inner bulb that goes inside the sleeve and then inside the base of the head. The box that the Tentickler came in had no information about what it was made of, but it feels rubbery. After each use of the Tentickler, all three parts should be washed throughly and reassembled (meaning the sleeve rolled back up). The box does explicitly say that this product should not be used as a contraceptive, so if your contraception method is condoms, a condom would have to be worn in addition to the sleeve (talk about lack of sensation for the guy wearing both!).

And now, ladies and gentlemen, I give you… The Man:

The Man: This item (which I will refer to hereafter as “the device”) is lacking at best.  The device is a two-part system, with one piece that goes into the inside of the tip of a condom, and a large not-quite-hard rubber thing that looks like a cauldron with rubber spikes on the bottom.  The purpose of these two pieces is to fasten the cauldron onto the end of your cock.  With all of that in mind, here’s my experience with the device.

Determining that the mouth of the cauldron is far too small to accept the head of my cock, I resign myself to leaving it on the tip while rolling the condom down my shaft.  This is the most unnatural thing that I have ever felt on my cock, and I must disclose that the condom was a less than sturdy method of attaching the device (which I can only think was inspired by some Inquisition era tool used to coax confessions from those believed to be witches).  It dawns on me that the rubber spikes on the end of this thing that I now have aimed at the labia of my lover looks ominously like a meat tenderizer, so I decide to apply some lube.  After slathering on no less than three ounces of lube on the entirety of my device-adorned cock as well as Panda’s labia, I attempt entry.  This effort is not a complete failure as I was able to get a number of the spikes past Panda’s outer labia before it went one direction while my cock went the other direction in a fashion not unlike the first time I attempted to back a trailer into a parking stall in my truck.  Between the unweildiness of the device and Panda’s cries of pain, my little guy was quickly losing enthusiasm, so we decided to ditch the device in order to have a quite pleasurable time with no outside assistance.

While I believe that Panda and I will be laughing about this experience for years to come, that is really the only pleasure we derived from the device.  To say it was a disappointment is understating the complete lack of enjoyment either of us got from this thing in bed.  I say that you should only use this if you’re looking to laugh about how ridiculously horrible the experience of using it is.

Panda’s Experience: Like I said, I was very hesitant about using this thing because it just LOOKS like it would be uncomfortable. But, I figured that TheirToys.com wouldn’t sell it if it didn’t allow it’s user(s) some sort of pleasure. As you can tell by The Man’s description, it was difficult for him to get it on the tip of his cock securely. He lubed the product and my pussy liberally, and slowly pushed it into me. He didn’t get too far in before “OH HOLY FUCK OW!!” The tentacles on this thing don’t enhance the sexual experience, they just fucking hurt! Two thrusts was all I could take, and then the product testing was OVER. Luckily, The Man’s little man was able to deal with the disappointment and rise again to the occasion and we were able to end the evening on a high note.

So as you can see, my initial reaction of “WTF is this thing and why would I put it inside of me?” was spot on. The Tentickler was a MAJOR FAIL. I have since been told by TheirToys.com that the Tentickler has been taken off the market, so I guess I wasn’t the only one with a bad experience.

If you have scanned this review thus far and have yawned and said, “TL;DR,” then here is the breakdown:

POSITIVES: NONE. At all. NADA.

NEGATIVES: Difficult to put on, doesn’t sit correctly on the penis, hurts like a son of a bitch when fucked by it, a pain in the ass to disassemble, wash and then reassemble… in other words, it’s BAD.

I give this product a ZERO out of 5 Happy Bamboos. In fact, if I had the skills to make a Sad, On Fire Bamboo, I would, and this product would get all 5 of those.

Even though I was traumatized by this product (I’ll never be able to look at these mushroom scrubber brushes the same way again!), I still encourage you to head over to TheirToys.com to check out their other products, because they do have a lot of cool stuff. I hope that my next review for them is a positive one! Stay tuned!

Disclaimer: I have a material connection and receive products, as in-kind payments, from TheirToys.com for review.

If you saw my last #HNT (or follow me on Twitter), you know that I’ve been dealing with some health issues: Fibromyalgia, Diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol. I’d been feeling pretty crappy for a while, caught in a vicious cycle: don’t feel good -> don’t exercise -> gain more weight ->
feel even worse…. No fun at all.

A few months ago, I started making a change for the better by changing my diet – cutting out the majority of red meat (we never have it in the house anymore, we only get it when we splurge and go out to dinner), using recipes out of a diet book, eating plenty of fresh fruit and veggies. I’ve now started taking some medication to control the pain and fatigue from the Fibromyalgia and I’ve finally had the energy to start my nightly walks again (I tried this last year/earlier this year, but the pain from the Fibro kept me from doing it too long). I’m looking forward to losing more weight (I’ve already lost 3lbs) and getting healthier.

Here’s a picture of the girls all cooped up in my sports bra, ready to head out on a walk:

Make sure you head over to Osbasso’s blog to check out the other #hnt submissions! Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!

So, I’ve been slacking hardcore on the posts and the #hnts. I know that, and I apologize to those of you who have missed my blog presence. The major reason for my slacking is a lack of motivation which is caused mostly by my health issues: 2-ish months ago, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, a neuromuscular disorder that causes fatigue, chronic pain, and a heightened and painful response to pressure. It’s a disorder that doctors still don’t know much about. There is no cure for it, only treatment of the symptoms, but it’s kind of a crap shoot as far as what kind of medication will help which FMS sufferer.

FMS seems to be genetic (my mom has had it for 12-ish years) and doctors think it’s triggered by some sort of trauma (accident or illness). In my case, I think it was a car accident that happened in August of ’08, in which I was hit from behind on the freeway. At first, I thought I just had whiplash, and so I started going to a chiropractor. But as the time went on and my pain became worse and was accompanied by fatigue, and then when I saw a report that said FMS was thought to be genetic, I decided I should get my doctor to check that out. And, sure enough…

On top of the FMS, though, I’m also slightly diabetic, so I’ve had to go to the lab multiple times to get blood drawn:

Since I’ve been dealing with pain and major fatigue, and experimenting with different medications to see what works to curb my symptoms (some of which have ADDED to my fatigue), I just haven’t been up to doing much, especially not taking sexy pictures and attempting to write about sex toys.

BUT, things are looking up. I’m starting to feel better, the fatigue is lessening, I actually have the energy to be up and doing stuff instead of just lounging on the couch and taking my daily nap. I also just got a big shipment of toys to review, so I’ll be adding reviews and hopefully getting some REAL #HNTs taken and posted!

So, stay tuned!