It’s Panda, Miss Dementia If You’re Nasty

I’ve wanted a hands-free vibrator for a while now so when it was time to make my new toy list for Adam & Eve, I searched for one on their website. There aren’t a whole lot of hands-free, wireless vibrators, unfortunately, but I was excited when I came upon the Venus Penis “G” which seemed to be exactly what I was looking for: hands-free, wireless remote, vibrator, G-spot stimulator, PURPLE.

The Venus Penis “G” has thigh straps made of plastic that expand to fit women with large thighs (ME!), it has a 2.5″ G-spot stimulator, it has “fluttering wings”, “tantalizing ticklers” and a wireless remote control that offers 4 levels of “vibration, pulsation and escalation.” The remote control works up to 32 feet away.

I thought this wireless remote control toy would be a fun way for my man and I to play while we were out of the house. He could control the remote at the dinner table or in the movie theater and tease me mercilessly until I was ravenous and jumped him as soon as we got home or, if I couldn’t wait that long, took my frustration out on him in the car. Sounds awesome, right?!

Well, the reality of this vibrator didn’t live up to the fantasy. The Venus Penis IS hands-free, wireless AND purple, but that’s where the awesomeness ends. The toy itself is big and bulky, not something that I (or anyone, I think) would be able to wear out of the house and especially not walk around in, unless someone WANTS to look like a cowboy getting off a horse after a long trail ride. I certainly don’t.

The wings of the vibrator DON’T “flutter” at all, as the box claims, but just sit there. The “tantalizing ticklers” are anything but. They barely move when the vibrator is turned on. The “G-spot penis” fell short of my G-spot and did not provide any G-spot stimulation whatsoever. And, finally, the vibration strength is severely lacking.

When I tried out the toy, sitting on the couch, legs splayed as far apart as possible since the bulk of the unit made it uncomfortable to walk or sit properly, I could barely feel the vibrations on my clit. When I used my hand to push the vibrator closer to my pussy, I felt it enough to get me a bit excited, to get me wet, but it was far from getting me off.

Disappointment. Annoyance. DESPAIR!! Ok, it didn’t actually get to the point of despair, but it was highly annoying and disappointing. I just wanted to be able to be a good little slut and wear sex toys out in public! *sigh*

So, here’s the recap:

Positives – Pretty purple!, thigh straps that expand to fit us big girls, hands-free and wireless… yeah, that’s all I’ve got.

Negatives – Weak vibration, too-short (or poorly angled or both) G-spot stimulator, useless wings and ticklers, bulky unit.

Don’t bother with this disappointing toy. The Venus Penis “G” gets ONE out of FIVE Happy Bamboos.

Disclaimer: I have a material connection and receive products, as in-kind payments, from Adam & Eve for review.